my journal 3

travis · Jun 19, 2012, 5:31pm

Holy cow... this is much worse than berlusconi.

Except that if it happens in the US it's ok since there's no free press.

And just as expected, there's nothing on CIA-wikipedia on the pimp Larry King:
Lawrence King - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

There's something here:
Johnny Gosch - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Johnny Gosch, Jeff Gannon, Hunter Thompson and the unraveling of a troubling tale.

Told you - worse than berlusconi. That's what happens when everyone says "america is great.." and so on. People become arrogant and out of control.

This "American Despot" documentary is one awesome documentary:

travis · Jun 19, 2012, 8:00pm

travis · Jun 20, 2012, 4:53am

Real news here:
GlobalResearch.ca - Centre for Research on Globalization

Real journalism.

travis · Jun 20, 2012, 8:04am

Very good summary of why we did not go to the moon:
The Apollo Hoax

More good points here:
NASA didnt go to the moon,prove me wrong

Quote:

Everything the government touches is a disaster, and yet they expect us that on their first try, without sending any test probes or animals, that they sent teams of astronauts 260,000 miles away and back? With 1960 technology that is dwarfed by my cell-phone? C'mon!

Critical thinking should tell you that this is extremely unlikely.

Then listen to the audio as they WALK ON THE MOON for the first time, they talk about eating lunch? Really?! You're ON THE MOON for the first time EVER, and yet you are talking in a bored monotone about the lunch you ate back on Earth?

Does that likely?

Then watch the post-mission press conference and tell me those men walked on the moon. They were trained to be astronauts, not actors and they come off as ashamed and liars.

It's amazing the reactions I am getting from colleagues, friends, relatives. They say they believe the moon landing because... everyone else does. Everyone believes it basically because:

1) tv says so
2) others say so

So this means that you believe it because the tv says so.

Then, once you establish that TV has lied big time, especially in the US, then you realize it can lie again, and it may have lied before, and that's when you start analyzing the knowledge available, and, when you do that, you realize, among the many other frauds, that we did not land on the moon.

travis · Jun 21, 2012, 3:01am

Summary of the umpteenth trading experience, which yesterday came to an end as it does periodically. Starting in January, I used the systems and brought my capital from 4k to 13k. Then I started getting bored, about 2 or 3 months ago, and I engaged in my usual discretionary trading, and brought it back to below 2k, so now i can't trade anymore. In the meanwhile the selected systems would have brought capital all the way to 25k.

Conclusion: there's dynamics in this situation that always make me end up blowing out the account. It's not deliberate, but rather it's subconscious... I think it's mainly about restlessness-boredom-frustration. I can learn about the markets, but I cannot change my restlessness, or at least it's a fact that I did not learn how to deal with it and its side effects. If I am bored, frustrated, and idle, I will always end up engaging in discretionary trading, and that will always make me blow out my account - year after year. This is not a feature of just me, and it doesn't just apply to trading.

For me as for many other people, this applies to drinking, eating, sleeping, smoking... and other things. You will wisely appraise that some things are not good for you, but you will nonetheless end up doing them out of... boredom or whatever it is that makes you do them. Examples: some people smoke, going to sleep late and regretting it in the morning but then doing it again, eating more than you should, drinking more than you should... and the list is long. In my case it doesn't apply to every field of my life, but it applies to trading and to a few other things, as it is for everyone. We do not behave like an optimized computer program. I cannot even blame myself for this.

I am not saying I will never manage to solve this problem. What I am acknowledging is that... for sure, we do not always do what we think is best for us, and we do not always feel the same at all times. In the morning you feel one way, in the evening you feel another way. When you're tired you think one way and when you're rested you think another way. That is already a partial explanation of why we don't always act the same way, and therefore we cannot decide "this is best for me, so I'll do it", because at another time you will think and act differently. So, all in all, I am acknowledging that I am not just one person but I am several persons, and to achieve something I have to successfully deal with all these persons that are in me: the tired me, the bored me, the restless me, etcetera.

It is very frustrating, but it's pointless to keep on saying "never again" and "no more discretionary trading" because the me of now is not the same thing of me sitting in front of the computer for 6 hours with nothing to do, and a lot of "perceived" opportunities from the markets. I don't know if and how I'll solve this problem, but no point getting mad at myself, because I am simply "several people" who think and act in different ways. And this is not multiple personality disorder but it's a reality for pretty much every human being.

[...]

Maybe this is all about acknowledging needs that we do not acknowledge. Example. We say "i must not eat more than this" but we do not acknowledge the simultaneous need for companionship, peer pressure and such. If we're at a table with other people, their eating will influence our eating. It is not that we're "several persons", but it's that we have different needs at different times, and they make us act accordingly. The fact that we act differently than we planned does not mean we're crazy or masochistic, but that our actions are being influenced by factors whose existence we're not acknowledging. Need to be with people will make us stay longer at the dinner table and somehow their eating and drinking will make us do the same (sometimes called "peer pressure"). The need for action will make me trade even though I have seen the negative consequences of it, but at that moment I need action. The need for thinking or whatever else, will make me stay up longer at night. And so on.

Useless to say "never again" or to get mad at myself. Let's just acknowledge the factors at play, and if I will ever be able, let's tackle them. And if I can't, then **** it, it's just too bad. I am not even mad or frustrated any more. Getting mad at myself never prevented me from doing the same exact thing when placed in that same situation: at home, with nothing to do for several hours - combined with the desire to increase my capital, to escape that same boredom, and to escape the office. I dislike where I am living, I dislike my job, I dislike my colleagues (I find them ignorant and boring, and annoying, and stupid), I dislike my present situation and this is a component in this repeated trading failure. The more I want to escape, the more I feel the urge to try to speed it up via discretionary trading. My impatience prolongs the situation that I am impatient to end. Pretty much like a convict who tries to escape, and adds years to his sentence. He can't help trying to escape whenever he gets a chance. That's exactly me.

travis · Jun 21, 2012, 4:53am

Dissociative identity disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Quote:

Dissociative identity disorder (DID, also known as Multiple Personality Disorder in the ICD-10[1]) is a psychiatric diagnosis. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) its essential feature "...is the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states...that recurrently take control of behavior."[2] The diagnosis requires that at least two personalities (one may be the host) routinely take control of the individual's behavior with an associated memory loss that goes beyond normal forgetfulness...

Obviously I do not have something like this, but this is the direction of my research. I want to define scientifically what goes on in my mind when I expect myself to do things that I later do not do, such as "tonight I'll go to sleep early" and then don't do it. And "from now on, no more discretionary trading" and then it doesn't happen. For smokers it's "this is my last cigarette", which is a well-known situation, but doesn't apply to me.

Getting closer...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_disorder

Quote:

Dissociative disorders can be defined as conditions that involve disruptions or breakdowns of memory, awareness, identity and/or perception. People with dissociative disorders use dissociation, a defense mechanism, pathologically and involuntarily. Dissociative disorders are thought to primarily be caused by psychological trauma.

The five dissociative disorders listed in the DSM IV are as follows[1]:

Depersonalization disorder: periods of detachment from self or surrounding which may be experienced as "unreal" (lacking in control of or "outside of" self) while retaining awareness that this is only a feeling and not a reality.
Dissociative amnesia: (formerly Psychogenic Amnesia): noticeable impairment of recall resulting from emotional trauma
Dissociative fugue: (formerly Psychogenic Fugue): physical desertion of familiar surroundings and experience of impaired recall of the past. This may lead to confusion about actual identity and the assumption of a new identity.
Dissociative identity disorder: (formerly Multiple Personality Disorder): the alternation of two or more distinct personality states with impaired recall, among personality states, of important information.
Dissociative disorder not otherwise specified: which can be used for forms of pathological dissociation not covered by any of the specified dissociative disorders.

Nothing that fully applies to me yet, but I'm reading with interest. I definitely did experience "psychological trauma" from my father. He harassed me with his control freak personality, trying to make me "perfect", with endless criticism. My father is definitely a sick person, and a very sick influence on my life.

I sense that I'll find something in "bulimia" and "psychology of quitting smoking", because my discretionary trading is very much similar to bulimia. There's no addictive drug in food, but it's a compulsive act nonetheless. In this sense smoking may be slightly different. Then of course it could simply be the same as compulsive gambling, for which I will find a lot of literature. Actually let's go straight to that, because that's the closest or exactly the thing I have.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/condi...lsive-gambling

Quote:

Betting the farm can actually be a serious problem for some people. Compulsive and habitual gambling can destroy a person's life. He likely suffers personal problems and financial ruin. Problem gambling can sometimes even lead to a life of crime.

Quote:

Definition
A compulsive, or pathological, gambler is someone who is unable to resist his or her impulses to gamble. This leads to severe personal and, or, social consequences. The urge to gamble becomes so great that tension can only be relieved by more gambling.

There is a very fine line between problem gambling and gambling too much. The critical sign of problem gambling is often hidden from awareness, with denial. Many gamblers typically do not know they have a problem. Admitting you have a problem, or may have a problem, is the first step to recovery. Unfortunately this realization normally only surfaces when a problem gambler hits rock bottom.

Yes, this is definitely what I have. The urge to gamble - even though trading is not exactly gambling, because you can definitely have an edge - provided that you do not feel that urge. If you feel the urge, then you're automatically gambling, because you cannot wait for the right time to trade.

Quote:

Pathological gambling is indicated by demonstrating five or more of the following symptoms:

Spending a lot of time thinking about gambling, such as past experiences or ways to get more money with which to gamble
Needing to gamble progressively larger amounts of money to feel excitement
Having made many unsuccessful attempts to cut back or quit gambling
Feeling restless or irritable when trying to cut back or quit gambling
Gambling to escape problems or feelings of sadness or anxiety
Gambling larger amounts of money to try to recoup previous losses
Lying about the amount of time or money spent gambling
Committing crimes to get money to gamble
Losing a job, relationship, or educational or career opportunity due to gambling
Needing to borrow money to get by due to gambling losses

I marked in red those that apply or at least have applied to me.

More red on what applies to me:

Quote:

Possible Complications

People with pathological gambling behavior often have problems with alcohol and other substance abuse, depression, and anxiety. People with pathological gambling behavior often consider suicide, and some of them attempt it.

People with pathological gambling behavior tend to have financial, social, and legal problems. These can include bankruptcy, divorce, job loss, and time in prison. The stress and excitement of gambling can lead to heart attacks in people at risk for them. Getting the right treatment can help prevent many of these problems.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/condi...ing?tab=Causes
Pathological gambling usually begins in early adolescence in men, and between ages 20 and 40 in women.

Pathological gambling is a brain disease that seems to be similar to disorders such as alcoholism and drug addiction. These disorders likely involve problems with the part of the brain having to do with behaviors such as eating and sex. This part of the brain is sometimes called the pleasure center or dopamine reward pathway.

In people who develop pathological gambling behaviors, occasional gambling leads to a gambling habit. Stressful situations can worsen gambling problems.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/condi...tab=Treatments

Quote:

Compulsive gambling can be treated. Treatment begins with the recognition of the problem.

Treatment options include individual and group psychotherapy, and self-help support groups such as Gamblers Anonymous. This is probably the most effective treatment. It is a 12-step program similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. Abstinence principles that apply to other types of addiction, such as substance abuse and alcohol dependence, are also relevant in the treatment of compulsive gambling behavior.

Recently, medications such as antidepressants, opioid antagonists, and mood stabilizers have been shown to be beneficial in combination with psychotherapy.

Like alcohol or drug addiction, pathological gambling is a chronic disorder that tends to get worse without treatment. Even though with treatment, it's common to start gambling again (relapse), people with pathological gambling can do very well with the right treatment. Many people are able to gain control over their lives after undergoing treatment.

There's no way I will take any drugs nor go to any sessions of these meetings.

Quote:

Prevention

Prevention is challenging and may not always be possible. Exposure to gambling may increase the risk of developing pathological gambling. Limiting exposure may be helpful for people who are at risk. Public exposure to gambling, however, continues to increase in the form of lotteries, electronic and Internet gambling, and casinos. Intervention at the earliest signs of pathological gambling may prevent the disorder from getting worse. Counseling may benefit people who are prone to compulsive gambling or other addictive behaviors. People who are aware that compulsive gambling affects close relatives might be at higher risk and should be especially careful.

There's no way I will seek "counseling" either.

I am going to delve more into the causes. Then I'll find a solution by myself.

Something more on symptoms:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/com...CTION=symptoms

Quote:

Signs and symptoms of compulsive (pathologic) gambling include:

Gaining a thrill from taking big gambling risks
Taking increasingly bigger gambling risks
A preoccupation with gambling
Reliving past gambling experiences
Gambling as a way to escape problems or feelings of helplessness, guilt or depression
Taking time from work or family life to gamble
Concealing gambling
Feeling guilt or remorse after gambling
Borrowing money or stealing to gamble
Failed efforts to cut back on gambling
Lying to hide gambling

Compulsive gambling typically begins in the late teen years. On rare occasions, gambling becomes a problem with the very first wager. But more often, a gambling problem progresses over time. In fact, many people spend years enjoying social gambling without any problems. But more frequent gambling or life stresses can turn casual gambling into something much more serious. During periods of stress or depression, the urge to gamble may be especially overpowering. Eventually, a person with a gambling problem becomes almost completely preoccupied with gambling and getting money to gamble.

For most compulsive gamblers, betting isn't as much about money as it is about the excitement. Sustaining the thrill gambling provides usually involves taking increasingly bigger risks and placing larger bets. Those bets may involve sums you can't afford to lose. Unlike most casual gamblers, compulsive gamblers are compelled to keep playing to recoup their money — a pattern that becomes increasingly destructive over time.

When to see a doctor or mental health provider
Have family members, friends or co-workers expressed concern about your gambling? If so, listen to their worries. Because denial is almost always a characteristic of compulsive or addictive behavior, it may be difficult for you to recognize that you have a problem and seek treatment.

Gambling is out of control if:

It's affecting your relationships, your finances or your work life
You're devoting more and more time and energy to gambling pursuits
You've unsuccessfully tried to stop or cut back on your gambling
You try to conceal your gambling from family or health professionals
You resort to theft or fraud to get gambling money
You ask others to bail you out of financial woes because you've gambled money away

travis · Jun 21, 2012, 6:46am

New post with the causes. The one above got too long.

Gambling

Quote:

Addiction Symptoms, Causes, Treatment - What are causes and risk factors for gambling addiction? on MedicineNet

Quote:

When contemplating why people gamble, it is important to understand that there is usually no one specific cause for pathological gambling. Some potential exceptions include the observation that some individuals who are given medications that treat Parkinson's disease or restless leg syndrome (including pramipexole [Mirapex]) have been observed to develop compulsive gambling. The theory about that connection involves the increased activity of the chemical messenger dopamine in the brain as the culprit. Another example where compulsive gambling may have a single cause is in bipolar disorder since exorbitant spending, including in the form of compulsive gambling, may be a symptom of bipolar disorder.

Much more commonly, gambling addiction, like most other emotional conditions, is understood to be the result of a combination of biological vulnerabilities, ways of thinking and social stressors (biopsychosocial model). There are however, elements that increase the likelihood that the individual will develop a gambling addiction. Risk factors for developing pathological gambling include schizophrenia, mood problems, antisocial personality disorder, and alcohol or cocaine addiction. People who suffer from compulsive gambling have a tendency to be novelty seekers. Individuals who have a low level of serotonin in the brain are also thought to be at higher risk for developing pathological gambling compared to others.

Nope. I am definitely "antisocial", but this has nothing to do with the antisocial personality disorder, which I definitely do not have.

Pathological gambling disorder - children, causes, DSM, functioning, therapy, adults, person, people

Quote:

There are no known biological causes of pathological gambling disorder. Some studies have found interesting differences between compulsive gamblers and the general population on the biological level, but none that are thought to be an actual cause of pathological gambling. Many people, however, have significant psychological causes for excessive gambling. They may use gambling as an emotional escape from depression; this pattern appears more often in females with the disorder than in males. Some people who are pathologic gamblers are seeking the mood alteration associated with gambling— specifically the excitement and energy that they find in the activity— more than the money involved. In other words, the person with the disorder is reinforced by an emotional "high" rather than by the money itself. Some researchers have found that males diagnosed with pathological gambling disorder were more likely to have been diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder as children than males in the general population. Other researchers have described compulsive gamblers in general as highly competitive people who are restless and easily bored. Pathological gambling disorder is characterized by uncontrollable gambling well beyond the point of a social or recreational activity, such that the gambling has a major disruptive effect on the gambler's life. People who are pathological gamblers may lose their life savings, and may even commit crimes to get money for their "habit."
Other theories about the causes of pathological gambling emphasize cognitive distortions rather than mood problems. Pathological gambling has been associated with dysfunctional thinking patterns; many people with this disorder are highly superstitious or believe that they can control the outcome of events when they are gambling. Many people diagnosed with the disorder also have distorted beliefs about money, tending to see it at the same time as the source of all their problems and the answer to all their problems. Patients diagnosed with pathological gambling disorder have an increased risk of either having or developing histrionic, narcissistic, or borderline personality disorder. One social change that has been linked with the rise in the number of adults diagnosed with pathological gambling disorder in the United States is the increased availability of legalized gambling.

Quote:

Treatments

There are a number of different treatments for pathological gambling disorder. Psychodynamic psychotherapy attempts to uncover any underlying psychological factors that trigger the gambling. For people who are gambling to escape, such as those who are depressed, this approach may be very successful. Treating any substance abuse problems that may coexist with the pathological gambling can also be helpful. Other types of treatments involve behavioral techniques used to teach relaxation and avoidance of stimuli associated with gambling. Aversion therapy appears to be successful in treating pathological gambling disorder in highly motivated patients with some insight into the problem, but is not helpful for patients who are less educated or resistant to behavioral methods of treatment.

I need to delve into Psychodynamic and aversion therapy to see what I can get out of it.

Psychodynamics - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Quote:

Psychodynamics is the theory and systematic study of the psychological forces that underlie human behavior, especially the dynamic relations between conscious motivation and unconscious motivation.

I told you I had a problem with unconscious motivation. It's not that I am masochistic: I am doing things for reasons that I ignore. But there are reasons.

Aversion therapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Quote:

Aversion therapy is a form of psychological treatment in which the patient is exposed to a stimulus while simultaneously being subjected to some form of discomfort. This conditioning is intended to cause the patient to associate the stimulus with unpleasant sensations in order to stop the specific behavior.

Aversion therapies can take many forms, for example: placing unpleasant-tasting substances on the fingernails to discourage nail-chewing; pairing the use of an emetic with the experience of alcohol; or pairing behavior with electric shocks of various intensities.

I like this, too, but it cannot work, because I won't beat myself up each time I trade. There's no way to associate something unpleasant with my trading. So I'll discard this immediately and focus on psychodynamics:
Psychodynamics - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Quote:

In general, psychodynamics studies the transformations and exchanges of "psychic energy" within the personality.[5] A focus in psychodynamics is the connection between the energetics of emotional states in the id, ego, and superego as they relate to early childhood developments and processes. At the heart of psychological processes, according to Freud, is the ego, which he envisions as battling with three forces: the id, the super-ego, and the outside world.[4] The id is the unconscious reservoir of libido, the psychic energy that fuels instincts and psychic processes. The ego serves as the general manager of personality, making decisions regarding the pleasured that will be pursued at the id's demand, the person's safety requirements, and the moral dictates of the superego the will be followed. The superego refers to the repository of an individual's moral values, divided into the conscience - the internalization of a society's rules and regulations - and the ego-ideal - the internalization of one's goals. [10] Hence, the basic psychodynamic model focuses on the dynamic interactions between the id, ego, and superego.[11] Psychodynamics, subsequently, attempts to explain or interpret behavior or mental states in terms of innate emotional forces or processes.

Lots of youtube documentaries to watch on this subject.

Id, ego and super-ego - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Quote:

Id, ego and super-ego are the three parts of the psychic apparatus defined in Sigmund Freud's structural model of the psyche; they are the three theoretical constructs in terms of whose activity and interaction mental life is described. According to this model of the psyche, the id is the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends; the ego is the organized, realistic part; and the super-ego plays the critical and moralizing role.[1]

Id, ego and super-ego - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Quote:

The ego acts according to the reality principle; i.e. it seeks to please the id’s drive in realistic ways that will benefit in the long term rather than bringing grief.

According to this I'd have an ego that is overpowered by the id. I am also wondering if animals have an ego and superego...
Do other (non-human) animals have ego's? - Yahoo! UK & Ireland Answers

Quote:

How do we know that humans have egos in the psychological sense that you mean it? It is just a theory; it isn't anything observable that we can objectively measure or prove. Therefore, who knows, maybe animals do have that type of ego. Maybe not. I'm still not convinced that humans do, because the theory of the id, ego, and superego originally came from Freud, and he's also the guy that said that little boys develop sexual feelings for their mothers because they are afraid that their fathers will cut off their penises! I'd say believe whatever you'd like!

He has a point. It's just a theory. It's not like these three elements reside in different parts of our head.

This (simple wiki) never fails:
http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Id,_ego,_and_super-ego

Quote:

The Id, ego, and super-ego are ideas created by Sigmund Freud. They are three concepts to explain the way the human mind works.

Freud describes the human mind as interaction of id, ego, super-ego. The ego, and to some extent the super-ego, is conscious or on the surface. The id remains unconscious. Together they make up the personality.

According to this model of the psyche, the id is the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends; the ego is the organised, realistic part; and the super-ego plays the critical and moralising role.[1]

The id, ego and super-ego are functions of the mind, not parts of the brain. They do not correspond one-to-one with actual structures of the kind dealt with by neuroscience.

I guess, according to this theory, I've got a pretty big Id, and weaker ego and superego.

Out of curiosity:
http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sep...,_2001_attacks

Quote:

The September 11, 2001 attacks, shortened as nine-eleven, 9/11 or "9-11", were four attacks by terrorists that happened on the same day. Four groups of people, each with a trained pilot, captured airplanes and flew them into US landmarks. These landmarks were the World Trade Center's twin towers in New York, and the Pentagon. The fourth plane crashed before reaching its target in Washington, D.C. After the event, the USA government said the people who had done the attacks were close to the terrorist group al-Qaeda. During the events, nearly 3000 people died. Most of them were from the United States, but over 300 were from other places, such as the United Kingdom, India and Canada.
View of the World Trade Center and the Statue of Liberty at the moment of 9/11 attack.

Due to the attacks, planes are now a lot more secure.

This is hilarious.

Anyway, I'll have to study more on this subject once I get home. Psychodynamics, and I might even reconsider the concept of Aversion therapy. I need all the help that I am willing to give myself. I ain't going to the compulsive gamblers meetings. Hell no.

But I'll look into this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aversion_therapy

Quote:

Aversion therapy is also used in the self-help community to treat minor behavioral issues with the aid of an elastic band, the user or patient would snap the elastic band on his/her wrist while an undesirable thought/behavior presents itself.

In fact the elastic band method is so simple that I am already putting it into practice. I am snapping the elastic band I took from my drawer and placed on my wrist, each time I attempt to scratch my head, which is a nervous tic I have. Let's see if it works. If it does, I'll apply it on an industrial scale, including to eating. If it works, I'll be able to solve all problems, including compulsive gambling.

travis · Jun 21, 2012, 1:18pm

Never had imagined that the journalists were all in on it as well:

Awful situation in the US. Just about everyone at the top is an accomplice. Whether it was real jets or not, the media is very likely to be part of this, too. Just think of this BBC video:

So ok, the BBC had advance knowledge of this war on terror scam from the very start.

Jun 19, 2012, 5:31pm	#865
travis Legendary Member Member Since Mar 2003 7,983 Posts	Re: my journal 3 Holy cow... this is much worse than berlusconi. Except that if it happens in the US it's ok since there's no free press. And just as expected, there's nothing on CIA-wikipedia on the pimp Larry King: Lawrence King - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia There's something here: Johnny Gosch - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Johnny Gosch, Jeff Gannon, Hunter Thompson and the unraveling of a troubling tale. Told you - worse than berlusconi. That's what happens when everyone says "america is great.." and so on. People become arrogant and out of control. This "American Despot" documentary is one awesome documentary: __________________ Read: E.P. Chan, Cogneau - Hubner, Martin Sewell, Gail Tverberg. Search: expected shortfall, historical VaR, Monte Carlo VaR, extreme value theory. Last edited by travis; Jun 19, 2012 at 6:02pm.

Jun 19, 2012, 8:00pm	#866
travis Legendary Member Member Since Mar 2003 7,983 Posts	Re: my journal 3 __________________ Read: E.P. Chan, Cogneau - Hubner, Martin Sewell, Gail Tverberg. Search: expected shortfall, historical VaR, Monte Carlo VaR, extreme value theory.

Jun 20, 2012, 4:53am	#867
travis Legendary Member Member Since Mar 2003 7,983 Posts	Re: my journal 3 Real news here: GlobalResearch.ca - Centre for Research on Globalization Real journalism. __________________ Read: E.P. Chan, Cogneau - Hubner, Martin Sewell, Gail Tverberg. Search: expected shortfall, historical VaR, Monte Carlo VaR, extreme value theory.

Jun 21, 2012, 3:01am	#869
travis Legendary Member Member Since Mar 2003 7,983 Posts	Re: my journal 3 Summary of the umpteenth trading experience, which yesterday came to an end as it does periodically. Starting in January, I used the systems and brought my capital from 4k to 13k. Then I started getting bored, about 2 or 3 months ago, and I engaged in my usual discretionary trading, and brought it back to below 2k, so now i can't trade anymore. In the meanwhile the selected systems would have brought capital all the way to 25k. Conclusion: there's dynamics in this situation that always make me end up blowing out the account. It's not deliberate, but rather it's subconscious... I think it's mainly about restlessness-boredom-frustration. I can learn about the markets, but I cannot change my restlessness, or at least it's a fact that I did not learn how to deal with it and its side effects. If I am bored, frustrated, and idle, I will always end up engaging in discretionary trading, and that will always make me blow out my account - year after year. This is not a feature of just me, and it doesn't just apply to trading. For me as for many other people, this applies to drinking, eating, sleeping, smoking... and other things. You will wisely appraise that some things are not good for you, but you will nonetheless end up doing them out of... boredom or whatever it is that makes you do them. Examples: some people smoke, going to sleep late and regretting it in the morning but then doing it again, eating more than you should, drinking more than you should... and the list is long. In my case it doesn't apply to every field of my life, but it applies to trading and to a few other things, as it is for everyone. We do not behave like an optimized computer program. I cannot even blame myself for this. I am not saying I will never manage to solve this problem. What I am acknowledging is that... for sure, we do not always do what we think is best for us, and we do not always feel the same at all times. In the morning you feel one way, in the evening you feel another way. When you're tired you think one way and when you're rested you think another way. That is already a partial explanation of why we don't always act the same way, and therefore we cannot decide "this is best for me, so I'll do it", because at another time you will think and act differently. So, all in all, I am acknowledging that I am not just one person but I am several persons, and to achieve something I have to successfully deal with all these persons that are in me: the tired me, the bored me, the restless me, etcetera. It is very frustrating, but it's pointless to keep on saying "never again" and "no more discretionary trading" because the me of now is not the same thing of me sitting in front of the computer for 6 hours with nothing to do, and a lot of "perceived" opportunities from the markets. I don't know if and how I'll solve this problem, but no point getting mad at myself, because I am simply "several people" who think and act in different ways. And this is not multiple personality disorder but it's a reality for pretty much every human being. [...] Maybe this is all about acknowledging needs that we do not acknowledge. Example. We say "i must not eat more than this" but we do not acknowledge the simultaneous need for companionship, peer pressure and such. If we're at a table with other people, their eating will influence our eating. It is not that we're "several persons", but it's that we have different needs at different times, and they make us act accordingly. The fact that we act differently than we planned does not mean we're crazy or masochistic, but that our actions are being influenced by factors whose existence we're not acknowledging. Need to be with people will make us stay longer at the dinner table and somehow their eating and drinking will make us do the same (sometimes called "peer pressure"). The need for action will make me trade even though I have seen the negative consequences of it, but at that moment I need action. The need for thinking or whatever else, will make me stay up longer at night. And so on. Useless to say "never again" or to get mad at myself. Let's just acknowledge the factors at play, and if I will ever be able, let's tackle them. And if I can't, then **** it, it's just too bad. I am not even mad or frustrated any more. Getting mad at myself never prevented me from doing the same exact thing when placed in that same situation: at home, with nothing to do for several hours - combined with the desire to increase my capital, to escape that same boredom, and to escape the office. I dislike where I am living, I dislike my job, I dislike my colleagues (I find them ignorant and boring, and annoying, and stupid), I dislike my present situation and this is a component in this repeated trading failure. The more I want to escape, the more I feel the urge to try to speed it up via discretionary trading. My impatience prolongs the situation that I am impatient to end. Pretty much like a convict who tries to escape, and adds years to his sentence. He can't help trying to escape whenever he gets a chance. That's exactly me. __________________ Read: E.P. Chan, Cogneau - Hubner, Martin Sewell, Gail Tverberg. Search: expected shortfall, historical VaR, Monte Carlo VaR, extreme value theory. Last edited by travis; Jun 21, 2012 at 4:46am.

Jun 21, 2012, 1:18pm	#872
travis Legendary Member Member Since Mar 2003 7,983 Posts	Re: my journal 3 Never had imagined that the journalists were all in on it as well: Awful situation in the US. Just about everyone at the top is an accomplice. Whether it was real jets or not, the media is very likely to be part of this, too. Just think of this BBC video: So ok, the BBC had advance knowledge of this war on terror scam from the very start. __________________ Read: E.P. Chan, Cogneau - Hubner, Martin Sewell, Gail Tverberg. Search: expected shortfall, historical VaR, Monte Carlo VaR, extreme value theory. Last edited by travis; Jun 21, 2012 at 1:27pm.

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