Recent content by zsawevv212

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's...

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign...

Myanmar's opposition leader and Nobel peace laureate Aung San Suu Kyi could alter her policy of non-violence. She gave this indication while speaking from a secret location in Yangon to a select audience at a BBC studio in central London on Monday afternoon. Responding to a question, Suu Kyi...

The 192-nation U.N. General Assembly on Tuesday unanimously approved a second five-year term for U.N. chief Ban Ki-moon, who analysts and diplomats see as a solid ally of Washington. The former South Korean foreign minister, who took over as U.N. secretary-general from his predecessor Kofi...

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun...

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl...

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought, "I better open this one and see what it's all about." So he opened it and it read: "Dear God, I am an 83 year old...

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who...

North Korea is hoping to sell UN-backed carbon credits from hydropower plants now being built, an aid group said Tuesday, as the isolated communist state struggles to secure more sources of hard cash. If approved by the United Nations, the North would be able to sell carbon credits to...

"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina. "Fifty years," Grandma replied. "That is so wonderful," exclaimed Nina. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?" "Right Nina. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce."

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right...

Iran has been trying without success to obtain Norwegian missile technology for possible use in delivering nuclear weapons, Norway's security chief said on Monday. Janne Kristiansen, general director of the Norwegian Police Security Service, told Reuters Iran had approached small Norwegian...

A U.S. Treasury Department official said on Monday that about $30 billion of Libyan assets in the United States have now been blocked from access by Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi and his family. David Cohen, acting Treasury under secretary for terrorism and financial intelligence, said the sum...

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence...

A young wanna-be stud is vactioning alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young ladies. Much to his surprise, they all seem to be drawn to an old guy a little further down the shoreling. Our friend goes back to the hotel, hoping for better luck that night in a night-club. So...