miracletech

I am a dynamic figure, often seen in the company of Quants, Arbitrageurs and Punk Rockers. During a lunchbreak, I once wrote the most daring refutation of the Black-Scholes theory ever to be published in Mad magazine. I translate ethnic slurs in 12 languages, I write award winning operas, play Bluegrass Cello, and enjoy urban hang gliding. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I take rock climbing to a new level by using only factory-reject rope. On Wednesdays, after trading, I repair nuclear reactors free of charge. I don't pespire. I was scouted by the Mets. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and Spelling Bees in the Kremlin. I once read Moby Dick, David Copperfiled and Doctor Zhivago all in one day, and still had time to do a little Day Trading in the afternoon. I have performed several covert operations for a government agency too secret to be mentioned here. I only sleep one a week; when I do sleep I sleep in a chair. Years ago I discovered a day Trading system guaranteed 97% accurate under all market conditions. Unfortunately my computer crashed and the file it was on was unrecoverable. I have been ejected from 3 separate stock exchanges. I was proven innocent of all charges brought against me my the SEC. For a hefty fee, I am available for speaking engagements on any of my exploits.