Vote Conservative

This is a discussion on Vote Conservative within the The Foyer forums, part of the Off the Grid category; For those that don't know about American (and probably Australian and British) history ... Here is a condensed version: Humans ...

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Old Mar 29, 2010, 9:53am   #1
 
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Vote Conservative

For those that don't know about American (and probably Australian and British) history ... Here is a condensed version:


Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:


1. Liberals, Socialists and sundry other do-gooders.
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.


Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.


Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.


Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern Liberals/Socialists like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.


Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, Truck drivers, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.


Liberals/Socialists produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. They are keen to be appreciated abroad and therefore give away shedloads of other people's ( taxpayers ) money to the starving millions, undeserving or too lazy to help themselves. Liberals/Socialists believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

It's a little known fact that many liberals/Socialists wear frilly knickers. usually pink.


Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal/Socialist may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to p1ss them off.
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Last edited by Pat494; Mar 29, 2010 at 10:03am. Reason: can't spell p1ss
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Old Apr 25, 2010, 2:35pm   #2
 
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Re: Vote Conservative

Pat494 started this thread The same old buzz words are back

NEW and CHANGE

These 2 crop up at every election and nothing much changes after an initial flurry. The truth is most people hate change. The vested interests don't want change because they are in-line to make a load of money one way or another. The older and more mature watch as the 20 somethings froth at the mouth with real indignation at something or other. We have seen it all before again and again. We probably still remember when we were full of indignation at some supposed outrage or other

YAWN YAWN

Gordon "the pompous clot " Brown tries to pretend it wasn't his fault that the country is nearly broke, just like under Labour of the 1970s !

Young Cleggy makes out anyone who disagree with his fatuous policies is either insane or too old to matter. He wants a voting system that will deliver regular different Parliaments just like the Italian model. A collection of looney small parties wielding power well beyond their small numbers ! And to stick us into the Euro which is falling apart at the greased seams.

And that leaves us with the only sensible but awfully boring Tory party. Lets hope David " the prick" Cameron forgets all that nonsense about change. We want the good times back not some fly-by-night absurdities !!
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Old Apr 25, 2010, 2:50pm   #3
 
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Re: Vote Conservative

I can't help thinking that...

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Old Apr 25, 2010, 3:24pm   #4
 
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Re: Vote Conservative

i'm voting for gordon brown because he managed to get the fittest wife once you discount for how ugly he is
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Thanks! The following members like this post: maiden22
Old Apr 25, 2010, 4:33pm   #5
 
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Re: Vote Conservative

Pat494 started this thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by cloud321 View Post
i'm voting for gordon brown because he managed to get the fittest wife once you discount for how ugly he is
Should we grade the wives ?

Perhaps under the headings
kissable
cuddliest
shaggable
fittest ? ( for what - Darwin's test ? )

out of ten
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Old Apr 26, 2010, 9:21am   #6
 
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Re: Vote Conservative

Pat494 started this thread I really wonder if the politics of Cornwall may be repeated nationally.
In the 80s we had Tory MPs
To be replaced by Labour in the 90s
To be replaced by the Liberals in 2000s
Can democracy really produce people of quality I ask myself or do the recent scandals suggest otherwise.
But what oh what are the alternatives ? Are there any ?
UKIP, BNP, Greens, Socialist Workers etc. - no it doesn't look like there are any VALID alternatives !!
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Old Apr 26, 2010, 10:45am   #7
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Re: Vote Conservative

Don't vote for any of them. The only positive reult from this election would be a pitiful turnout. Lib / Lab / Con, it will be business as usual. There is nothing of substance separating the three main parties.

Why on earth does anyone care which identikit trough-gobbler sits in their name in the Westminster Regional Assembly? Sovereignity has passed from this country, as will beome increasingly obvious.
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Old Apr 26, 2010, 11:25am   #8
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Re: Vote Conservative

Quote:
Why on earth does anyone care which identikit trough-gobbler sits in their name in the Westminster Regional Assembly?
I expect many Germans felt the same in the 1933 elections.


Paul
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