This is labour government

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Old Sep 30, 2009, 10:38pm   #1
 
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This is labour government

THIS IS LABOUR GOVERNMENT

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

------------------------------------------------------------------------

LABOUR GOVERNMENT THE UK VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing 'We shall overcome'.

Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London .

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain 's apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned, because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers' drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK .

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The government praises the asylum-seeking cats for enriching Britain 's multicultural diversity, and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a government minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom .

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses. Their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

THE END
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 1:45am   #2
 
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Great stuff .....roll on election day, the english will rise up and reclaim there country
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 5:03am   #3
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I do hope you aren't implying that the Bankers are the squirrels in the above anecdote ?

I do agree though - this is a fairly decent description of the UK & it's not the elected government you need to point the blame at, it's civil servants.

New government will not change a thing.
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 7:38am   #4
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Look, if people want to stay at home all day boozing, smoking and having sex instead of working...that's up to them.


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Old Oct 1, 2009, 10:39am   #5
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Very concise. Doesn't matter if your mother took drugs when she was pregnant. Doesn't matter if your father beat you and your mother daily then spent all the benefit money on crack so you couldn't afford to go to school where you were picked on for being a tramp anyway. Doesn't matter if your parents don't know how to raise you because then had you very young and you end up being a bit of a tearaway and get a criminal record when you're young. Doesn't matter if you were kicked out of home when you left school and couldn't afford to get a university education to give you a higher earnings potential. None of these things have any bearing on your life. It's all about being either a squirrel, a grasshopper and the media.
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 10:40am   #6
 
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It's not even funny. It's just a statement of fact.
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 10:41am   #7
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Technically Fundamental View Post
Very concise. Doesn't matter if your mother took drugs when she was pregnant. Doesn't matter if your father beat you and your mother daily then spent all the benefit money on crack so you couldn't afford to go to school where you were picked on for being a tramp anyway. Doesn't matter if your parents don't know how to raise you because then had you very young and you end up being a bit of a tearaway and get a criminal record when you're young. Doesn't matter if you were kicked out of home when you left school and couldn't afford to get a university education to give you a higher earnings potential. None of these things have any bearing on your life. It's all about being either a squirrel, a grasshopper and the media.
The parents are also grasshoppers. BUT even with a bad childhood, it doesn't mean you have to be a bad person. You can make your own choices in life. You control your thoughts that control your choices. I wish people would take responsibility for their own actions. I wish people didn't borrow irresponsibly and ruin this country's economy.
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 10:45am   #8
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So you essentially believe in the caste system

Edit: Just for the record I don't support any party.
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 10:50am   #9
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pedro01 View Post
I do hope you aren't implying that the Bankers are the squirrels in the above anecdote ?

I do agree though - this is a fairly decent description of the UK & it's not the elected government you need to point the blame at, it's civil servants.

New government will not change a thing.
I thought the Government were in charge of the Civil Servants (notwithstanding Sir Humphrey etc!). UK present government has done more than anybody to politicise the Civil Service.

Apologies - just realised this is in the "Jokes" forum and people come here for a laugh rather than to read a rant. Still, this lot are a joke aren't they?
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 10:55am   #10
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Originally Posted by shadowninja View Post
The parents are also grasshoppers. BUT even with a bad childhood, it doesn't mean you have to be a bad person. You can make your own choices in life. You control your thoughts that control your choices. I wish people would take responsibility for their own actions. I wish people didn't borrow irresponsibly and ruin this country's economy.
Hahahahaha

That's a very loose arguement. The whole problem is a LOT more complex than you or the OP let on tbf. I never said having bad parents will make you a bad person, what I was getting at is that circumstance plays a major role in development and circumstance is a direct resultant of socio-economic and demographic factors.
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 10:58am   #11
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I think it's hilarious. Who's been voting for a left wing government over the past twelve years? Let me think...the same people who are complaining now. So there's no more equity in the house to borrow, the banks will not debt finance lifestyles anymore and unemployment is going up. Worst of all, brits have actually got to holiday in the UK, Butlins instead of the Bahamas. So what does Mr. and Mrs I'm up to my eyeballs in debt electorate do? Blame the layabouts? Everyone is in for the easy money, bankers, layabouts, immigrants, criminals....it's the British dream.


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Old Oct 1, 2009, 10:58am   #12
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Originally Posted by 0007 View Post
I thought the Government were in charge of the Civil Servants (notwithstanding Sir Humphrey etc!). UK present government has done more than anybody to politicise the Civil Service.
Absolutely not.

They have no control over self-righteous left wing black lesbians working in education and the local councils, benefit offices,police, housing departments etc.etc.

These people have a lot of power but are totally unelected.
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 11:06am   #13
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Technically Fundamental View Post
Hahahahaha

That's a very loose arguement. The whole problem is a LOT more complex than you or the OP let on tbf. I never said having bad parents will make you a bad person, what I was getting at is that circumstance plays a major role in development and circumstance is a direct resultant of socio-economic and demographic factors.
That's obvious. Things are complex, but you can still choose to be the grasshopper or the squirrel. I don't know your personal circumstances but if you think you are trapped in the cycle of poverty, then you're right... you are.

PS what's a "loose" argument?
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 11:14am   #14
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You can only make judgements based on your own observations of your surroundings and that's all I'm doing. On a majority basis the poverty cycle theory holds true.
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 11:19am   #15
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While we're on the subject of PC bol*ocks check this for a funny story. This guy I used to work with left and joined a bigger firm. Got sacked like two months later as they only hired him to make up numbers because he looked like an "ethnic homosexual".
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