Joke of the day

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Old Jun 16, 2003, 9:28am   #1
 
Airthrey Capital's Avatar
Joined May 2003
Joke of the day

Sadly, Dave was born without ears. And although he proved to be
successful in business, his lack of ears annoyed him greatly. One
day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three
interviews.

The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and
was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Dave asked
"Do you notice anything different about me?"
"Why yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears" came
the reply. He did not appreciate his candor and threw him out of the office.

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than
the first guy. And he asked her the same question: "Do you notice
anything different about me?" "Well," she said, stammerig, "you have no
ears." Dave again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.

The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch, he was a
young man who had recently earned his MBA. He was smart. He was
handsome and he
seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together.

Dave was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same
question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"

Much to his surprise, the young man answered, "Yes, you wear
contact lenses, don't you?" Dave was shocked and realised this was an
incredibly observant person. "How in the world did you know that?", he asked.

The young man then fell off his chair laughing hysterically and
replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no f*cking ears!"
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Old Jun 16, 2003, 10:20am   #2
Joined May 2003
Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 male sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
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Old Jun 16, 2003, 10:26am   #3
 
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Who says men do not have a sensitive side.

A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment,

she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the
floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him...

they kiss...

and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling,

"Well, how was it?"

The guy says..



(scroll down it's a beauty)

v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v

"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
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Old Jun 16, 2003, 10:50pm   #4
 
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Joined Jun 2003
dude walks into the produce section of his local supermarket and asks to buy a half head of lettuce. The boi working in that department tells him they only sell whole heads of lettuce. The man insists that the boi asks his manager about the matter

walking into the back room, the boi says to the manager "some asshole wants to buy a half head of lettuce"

as he finished his sentence he turned to find the dude standing right behind him...

so he quickly added "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half"

the manager approved the deal and the dude went on his way. Later the manager said to the boi "I was impressed the way yuo got yuorself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are yuo from, son?"

"Canada, sir," replied the boi

"well, why did yuo leave Canada?"

boi replies "sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there"

"really?" said the manager. "my wife is from Canada"

"no ****?!" replied the boi, "who'd she play for?"

- Car Key Boi
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Old Jun 16, 2003, 10:53pm   #5
Joined May 2003
that's my joke
have you been breaking into my cracker box ?

I suppose that means you must be an arcadian ?

its meant to be about Essex whores and football !
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Last edited by bonsai; Jun 16, 2003 at 11:00pm.
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Old Jun 16, 2003, 10:55pm   #6
 
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haha, so it is, nah i didn't crack into anything. That jokes been doing the rounds all across the whole of the internet and now it come full circle, congrats
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Old Jun 16, 2003, 11:01pm   #7
 
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this is good one

>>>>A group of 1st, 2nd and 3rd graders, accompanied by two female
>>>>teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about
>>>>thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see
the
>>>
>>>>horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was
>>>>decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would
go
>>>
>>>>with the other.
>>>>
>>>>The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room
>>>>when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could
>>>>reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys
>>>>with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by
>>>>one
>>>>As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was
unusually
>>>>well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher
>>>>said, "You must be in the 3rd grade."
>>>>
>>>>No, ma'am, he replied, "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the
4th,
>>>>but thanks for the lift."
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Old Jun 16, 2003, 11:07pm   #8
Joined May 2003
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body
hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.
Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"
She says "No, I'm really a blonde".
"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."
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