Joke of the day

This is a discussion on Joke of the day within the The Foyer forums, part of the Off the Grid category; two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy ...

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Old Jun 16, 2003, 11:14pm   #9
 
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two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?"

"some chickens, Jes"

"if I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"

"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give yuo both of 'em!"

"OK. Ummmmm...five?"
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Old Jun 16, 2003, 11:16pm   #10
 
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Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away

"where do yuo live?" asked the operator

Bubba replies "at the end of Eucalyptus Drive "

the operator asked "can yuo spell that for me?"

after a long pause, Bubba said, "how 'bout i drag her over to Oak
Street and yuo pick her up there?"
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Old Jun 16, 2003, 11:23pm   #11
Joined May 2003


why are blokes like cool bags?
load then with beer and you can take them anywhere

why are blokes like high heels?
theyre easy to walk on once you get the hang of it

why are blokes like used cars?
both are easy to get,cheap,and unreliable

what have you got if you have 100 blokes buried upto their necks in sand?
not enough sand

whats a blokes idea of a romantic evening?
a candlelit football stadium,

what are a womans four favourite animals?
a mink in the wardrobe,a jaguar in the garage,a tiger in the bedroom,and an ass who will pay for it all,
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Old Jun 16, 2003, 11:34pm   #12
Joined May 2003
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds ?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch.


I'm bored. when do the markets open in the far east ?
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Old Jun 23, 2003, 12:42pm   #13
 
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shepherd

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly
> abrand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a
> young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and D+G tie,
> leans out the window and asks the shepherd...
> "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you
> give me one?" The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then
> looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, Sure. Why not?"
> The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects
> it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he
> calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his
> location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area
> in an ultra-high-resolution photo. They young man then opens the digital
> photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in
> Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot
> that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a
> MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds
> of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his
> Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he
> prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP
> LaserJet printer and turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly
> 1586 sheep".
> "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep." says the
> shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on
> amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
> Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly
> what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?" The young man
> thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?".
> "You're a consultant." says the shepherd.
> "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that"?
> "No guessing required." answered the shepherd. "You showed up here even
> though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
> knew, to a question I never asked; and you know jack sh*t about my
> business... "
> " ... Now give me back my dog"
>
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Old Jun 24, 2003, 10:46am   #14
 
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The Perfect Detective

a joke if i may

the perfect detective

a man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone.A few days later , he received this report:
MOST HONARABLE SIR:

YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE. HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH. HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW. HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW. HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE. HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE. HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE. I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OFF TREE. I NOT SEE.

NO FEE,
CHEN LEE
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Old Jun 29, 2003, 10:54pm   #15
 
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this dude from Ohio wakes up one morning and hears a little voice say, "Quit yuor job, sell yuor house, take all yuor money and go to Las Vegas!"

dude shakes it off and goes to work. All day long though, everytime things are quiet, the guy hears a little voice say, "Quit yuor job, sell yuor house, take all yuor money and go to Las Vegas!"

this goes on for 3 days. Finally, the guy quits his job, sells his house, cashes in his stocks and 401K and flies out to Las Vegas

he lands in Vegas and says, "Now what?" The little voice says, "Take a cab to the Mirage." So the guy goes to the Mirage

"Now what?", he asks. "Put all yuor money on Red at the Roulette table.", the little voice says

dude puts all his $'s on Red, the dealer spins and it comes up black

"****..." says the little voice

- Car Key Boi Click the image to open in full size.
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Old Jun 29, 2003, 11:54pm   #16
 
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http://carkeyboi.com/dump/voicemail-exgurlfriend.wav Click the image to open in full size.
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