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Webcam online, give it some time to unfold:
lhc
==========================================
"Dr Evil threatens world with Large Hadron Collider
LAIR OF EVIL, Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire, Friday (NNGadget) — Dr Evil’s plans to destroy the earth have come ever-closer, with the construction of a Large Hadron Collider in a secret location in Switzerland.
“Unless the governments of the world give me one hundred beelion dollars, I shall pull the switch that shall send the world to relativistic doomsday! As well as greatly advancing physics and our understanding of the secrets of the universe.”
Dr Evil’s Large Hadron Collider threatens such fates as the destruction of the Universe through a recreated Big Bang, strangelets converting all normal matter, wormholes in space and time or the possible creation of the World Wide Web.
The citizenry of the world have risen in protest, with lawyers, psychologists and other persons highly versed in particle physics attempting to stop the device through the courts. This is attributed to the accidental creation of a strange moron particle, which spreads through the world turning everyone it encounters into more strange morons.
In a capstone of evil, the Large Hadron Collider will run Windows Vista. “See if it doesn’t! Muwaaahahahaha! I’m sorry, that was gratuitous. It runs Google Chrome, of course.”
Dr Evil threatens world with Large Hadron Collider News of the News
=============================================================
Large Hardon Collider Ready to Test Theories of Condom Mechanics
Scientists are near to beginning tests with the Large Hardon Collider, located on the Swiss-French border. The collider, which will feature male porn stars from around the world, will be used to test the strength and properties of new condom materials.
The porn stars, after being properly prepared by their female (or male) "fluffers" and draped with the test materials, will begin running toward each other from opposite sides of a track spanning the border. At the moment of impact, a detector array consisting of several thousand webcams will capture the collision from multiple angles as the condoms shatter and millions of small particles of "quantum foam" are sprayed into the device.
By piecing together these collisions, the scientists hope to discover entirely new information about the nature of condom rupture and condom mechanics.
Several porn stars from Latino, South Asian and African countries are also expected to be brought in for special tests of the additional effects of "dark energy" on condom mechanics.
According to Asian porn star Higgs "Bone" San, "The start of the collider will be a massive advance for the international scientific community".
At the end of each day's testing, the subjects and their partners will all get together for a "Big Bang", which will of course be filmed to generate funding for future experiments.
On a more downbeat note, a group in Hawaii has filed a lawsuit to stop the experiments out of fears that a last minute reversal on the track by one of the gay African porn stars could lead to the sudden compression of a "black hole", resulting in unpredictable but clearly disastrous consequences.
The Spoof : Large Hardon Collider Ready to Test Theories of Condom Mechanics funny satire story
=========================================================
Hello, I am from approximately two months in the future. On 10/22 at approx 2:34am CET a tachyon
field failure in the main resonating ring of the LHC causes a "temporal blowback". Shortly
thereafter, the resulting destruction of the strong nuclear force causes the world to vaporize in
seconds, while a few of us near the experiment are thrown into a temporal causality loop. While
the predestination event (or as we have come to call it "The Big Rewind") hasn't occurred yet to
you, for us it is about three years in our past. I came across your site looking to see if there
were any other scientists that may have theorized this phenomenon who may be of assistance in
preventing it. This brings me to my point, I have repeatedly checked your site for the past five
rewinds at 2:34:01 CET and it still says nope, believe me at this point the LHC has most assuredly
destroyed the world. I can provide a bank account in Nigeria for the funds to be placed. I am
curious to the exact amount however.
John Titor
CERN Specialist
gist: 9810 — GitHub
=================================================
Oops
My favorite story recently is about the lawsuit to stop the $8 billion Large Hadron Collider out of fear that it might shrink the universe to the size of a gnat turd. And I don’t mean the plump and juicy kind.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/29/science/29collider.html?_r=2&hp&oref=slogin&oref=slogin
One of the reasons I like my job is that the worst mistake I can make is to offend someone, and I enjoy that too. I would never want to be a NASA engineer, for example, knowing that one wrong calculation lands the Space Shuttle on the Sun. And I really, really, really, wouldn’t want to be one of the engineers working on the Large Hadron Collider, no matter how sure I was that it was safe. There’s always that little chance of annihilating the universe, and it’s exactly the sort of mistake I would make.
On the plus side, no one would say, “I told you so.” I guess that would take some of the sting out of it.
I don’t know how you ever get comfortable with any level of risk of destroying the universe. If you were to do an expected value calculation, multiplying the tiny risk times the potential cost, it would still come out infinitely expensive.
And who exactly ran the numbers to decide it wasn’t that risky? After all, the whole point of the Large Hadron Collider is to create conditions that are not predictable. If someone already predicted what would happen using nothing but his laptop and Excel, and determined it was safe, I don’t think we’re getting our $8 billion worth.
I can’t see the management of this project spending $8 billion, realizing it was a huge boner, and then holding a press conference suggesting it be turned into a parking garage. I’ll bet a lot of people in that position would take at least a 5% risk of incinerating the galaxy versus incinerating their own careers. I know I would.
If the lawsuit succeeds, imagine trying to get another job with that project failure on your resume.
Interviewer: “So, you spent $8 billion dollars trying to build a machine that would either discover something cool or destroy the universe. Is it fair to say you are not a people person?”
The Dilbert Blog: Oops
=============================================================
To check up if, umm, we're still around:
Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the earth yet?
=============================================
lhc
==========================================
"Dr Evil threatens world with Large Hadron Collider
LAIR OF EVIL, Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire, Friday (NNGadget) — Dr Evil’s plans to destroy the earth have come ever-closer, with the construction of a Large Hadron Collider in a secret location in Switzerland.
“Unless the governments of the world give me one hundred beelion dollars, I shall pull the switch that shall send the world to relativistic doomsday! As well as greatly advancing physics and our understanding of the secrets of the universe.”
Dr Evil’s Large Hadron Collider threatens such fates as the destruction of the Universe through a recreated Big Bang, strangelets converting all normal matter, wormholes in space and time or the possible creation of the World Wide Web.
The citizenry of the world have risen in protest, with lawyers, psychologists and other persons highly versed in particle physics attempting to stop the device through the courts. This is attributed to the accidental creation of a strange moron particle, which spreads through the world turning everyone it encounters into more strange morons.
In a capstone of evil, the Large Hadron Collider will run Windows Vista. “See if it doesn’t! Muwaaahahahaha! I’m sorry, that was gratuitous. It runs Google Chrome, of course.”
Dr Evil threatens world with Large Hadron Collider News of the News
=============================================================
Large Hardon Collider Ready to Test Theories of Condom Mechanics
Scientists are near to beginning tests with the Large Hardon Collider, located on the Swiss-French border. The collider, which will feature male porn stars from around the world, will be used to test the strength and properties of new condom materials.
The porn stars, after being properly prepared by their female (or male) "fluffers" and draped with the test materials, will begin running toward each other from opposite sides of a track spanning the border. At the moment of impact, a detector array consisting of several thousand webcams will capture the collision from multiple angles as the condoms shatter and millions of small particles of "quantum foam" are sprayed into the device.
By piecing together these collisions, the scientists hope to discover entirely new information about the nature of condom rupture and condom mechanics.
Several porn stars from Latino, South Asian and African countries are also expected to be brought in for special tests of the additional effects of "dark energy" on condom mechanics.
According to Asian porn star Higgs "Bone" San, "The start of the collider will be a massive advance for the international scientific community".
At the end of each day's testing, the subjects and their partners will all get together for a "Big Bang", which will of course be filmed to generate funding for future experiments.
On a more downbeat note, a group in Hawaii has filed a lawsuit to stop the experiments out of fears that a last minute reversal on the track by one of the gay African porn stars could lead to the sudden compression of a "black hole", resulting in unpredictable but clearly disastrous consequences.
The Spoof : Large Hardon Collider Ready to Test Theories of Condom Mechanics funny satire story
=========================================================
Hello, I am from approximately two months in the future. On 10/22 at approx 2:34am CET a tachyon
field failure in the main resonating ring of the LHC causes a "temporal blowback". Shortly
thereafter, the resulting destruction of the strong nuclear force causes the world to vaporize in
seconds, while a few of us near the experiment are thrown into a temporal causality loop. While
the predestination event (or as we have come to call it "The Big Rewind") hasn't occurred yet to
you, for us it is about three years in our past. I came across your site looking to see if there
were any other scientists that may have theorized this phenomenon who may be of assistance in
preventing it. This brings me to my point, I have repeatedly checked your site for the past five
rewinds at 2:34:01 CET and it still says nope, believe me at this point the LHC has most assuredly
destroyed the world. I can provide a bank account in Nigeria for the funds to be placed. I am
curious to the exact amount however.
John Titor
CERN Specialist
gist: 9810 — GitHub
=================================================
Oops
My favorite story recently is about the lawsuit to stop the $8 billion Large Hadron Collider out of fear that it might shrink the universe to the size of a gnat turd. And I don’t mean the plump and juicy kind.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/29/science/29collider.html?_r=2&hp&oref=slogin&oref=slogin
One of the reasons I like my job is that the worst mistake I can make is to offend someone, and I enjoy that too. I would never want to be a NASA engineer, for example, knowing that one wrong calculation lands the Space Shuttle on the Sun. And I really, really, really, wouldn’t want to be one of the engineers working on the Large Hadron Collider, no matter how sure I was that it was safe. There’s always that little chance of annihilating the universe, and it’s exactly the sort of mistake I would make.
On the plus side, no one would say, “I told you so.” I guess that would take some of the sting out of it.
I don’t know how you ever get comfortable with any level of risk of destroying the universe. If you were to do an expected value calculation, multiplying the tiny risk times the potential cost, it would still come out infinitely expensive.
And who exactly ran the numbers to decide it wasn’t that risky? After all, the whole point of the Large Hadron Collider is to create conditions that are not predictable. If someone already predicted what would happen using nothing but his laptop and Excel, and determined it was safe, I don’t think we’re getting our $8 billion worth.
I can’t see the management of this project spending $8 billion, realizing it was a huge boner, and then holding a press conference suggesting it be turned into a parking garage. I’ll bet a lot of people in that position would take at least a 5% risk of incinerating the galaxy versus incinerating their own careers. I know I would.
If the lawsuit succeeds, imagine trying to get another job with that project failure on your resume.
Interviewer: “So, you spent $8 billion dollars trying to build a machine that would either discover something cool or destroy the universe. Is it fair to say you are not a people person?”
The Dilbert Blog: Oops
=============================================================
To check up if, umm, we're still around:
Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the earth yet?
=============================================
Gumping
Established member
- Messages
- 876
- Likes
- 152
Webcam online, give it some time to unfold:
Large Hardon Collider Ready to Test Theories of Condom Mechanics
Scientists are near to beginning tests with the Large Hardon Collider, located on the Swiss-French border. The collider, which will feature male porn stars from around the world, will be used to test the strength and properties of new condom materials.
The porn stars, after being properly prepared by their female (or male) "fluffers" and draped with the test materials, will begin running toward each other from opposite sides of a track spanning the border. At the moment of impact, a detector array consisting of several thousand webcams will capture the collision from multiple angles as the condoms shatter and millions of small particles of "quantum foam" are sprayed into the device.
By piecing together these collisions, the scientists hope to discover entirely new information about the nature of condom rupture and condom mechanics.
Several porn stars from Latino, South Asian and African countries are also expected to be brought in for special tests of the additional effects of "dark energy" on condom mechanics.
According to Asian porn star Higgs "Bone" San, "The start of the collider will be a massive advance for the international scientific community".
At the end of each day's testing, the subjects and their partners will all get together for a "Big Bang", which will of course be filmed to generate funding for future experiments.
On a more downbeat note, a group in Hawaii has filed a lawsuit to stop the experiments out of fears that a last minute reversal on the track by one of the gay African porn stars could lead to the sudden compression of a "black hole", resulting in unpredictable but clearly disastrous consequences.
The Spoof : Large Hardon Collider Ready to Test Theories of Condom Mechanics funny satire story
And the Catholics are suggesting that this experiment will definitely generate a cataclysmic explosion resulting from God's wrath at the gratuitous use of condoms.
Gumping
Established member
- Messages
- 876
- Likes
- 152
Webcam online, give it some time to unfold:
Oops
My favorite story recently is about the lawsuit to stop the $8 billion Large Hadron Collider out of fear that it might shrink the universe to the size of a gnat turd. And I don’t mean the plump and juicy kind.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/29/science/29collider.html?_r=2&hp&oref=slogin&oref=slogin
One of the reasons I like my job is that the worst mistake I can make is to offend someone, and I enjoy that too. I would never want to be a NASA engineer, for example, knowing that one wrong calculation lands the Space Shuttle on the Sun. And I really, really, really, wouldn’t want to be one of the engineers working on the Large Hadron Collider, no matter how sure I was that it was safe. There’s always that little chance of annihilating the universe, and it’s exactly the sort of mistake I would make.
On the plus side, no one would say, “I told you so.” I guess that would take some of the sting out of it.
I don’t know how you ever get comfortable with any level of risk of destroying the universe. If you were to do an expected value calculation, multiplying the tiny risk times the potential cost, it would still come out infinitely expensive.
And who exactly ran the numbers to decide it wasn’t that risky? After all, the whole point of the Large Hadron Collider is to create conditions that are not predictable. If someone already predicted what would happen using nothing but his laptop and Excel, and determined it was safe, I don’t think we’re getting our $8 billion worth.
I can’t see the management of this project spending $8 billion, realizing it was a huge boner, and then holding a press conference suggesting it be turned into a parking garage. I’ll bet a lot of people in that position would take at least a 5% risk of incinerating the galaxy versus incinerating their own careers. I know I would.
If the lawsuit succeeds, imagine trying to get another job with that project failure on your resume.
Interviewer: “So, you spent $8 billion dollars trying to build a machine that would either discover something cool or destroy the universe. Is it fair to say you are not a people person?”
The Dilbert Blog: Oops
Sounds like an R:R profile to suit spanish89 p.s. I can't rep you any more!!!
Someone Rep him!
Gumping
Established member
- Messages
- 876
- Likes
- 152
Webcam online, give it some time to unfold:
"Dr Evil threatens world with Large Hadron Collider
LAIR OF EVIL, Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire, Friday (NNGadget) — Dr Evil’s plans to destroy the earth have come ever-closer, with the construction of a Large Hadron Collider in a secret location in Switzerland.
“Unless the governments of the world give me one hundred beelion dollars, I shall pull the switch that shall send the world to relativistic doomsday! As well as greatly advancing physics and our understanding of the secrets of the universe.”
Dr Evil’s Large Hadron Collider threatens such fates as the destruction of the Universe through a recreated Big Bang, strangelets converting all normal matter, wormholes in space and time or the possible creation of the World Wide Web.
The citizenry of the world have risen in protest, with lawyers, psychologists and other persons highly versed in particle physics attempting to stop the device through the courts. This is attributed to the accidental creation of a strange moron particle, which spreads through the world turning everyone it encounters into more strange morons.
In a capstone of evil, the Large Hadron Collider will run Windows Vista. “See if it doesn’t! Muwaaahahahaha! I’m sorry, that was gratuitous. It runs Google Chrome, of course.”
Dr Evil threatens world with Large Hadron Collider News of the News
And since I'm on a roll, maybe I should suggest that we give him 100 billion dollars, since he'd then be so flush with cash that he would have to start lending it to people who represent a poor credit risk. We all know what THAT leads to.........
shadowninja
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Last edited:
Investment Forum
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LOL people are so funny when they talk about the LHC.
Ambrose Ackroyd
Senior member
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Work on the giant Hadron Collider ceased for two hours yesterday after an eagle-eyed researcher spotted a spelling mistake that sent fellow scientists into uncontrollable laughter.
The cost of the spelling mistake has been estimated at £100m, as scientists downed tools and stopped work while they recovered from their bout of laughter. CERN Head of Research Jean Aimarre told reporters that “while it was amusing at the time, we have to acknowledge that fifty people stopping work for two hours has set us back, well, two hours, in our quest to find the Higgs Boson particle.”
“This is unacceptable. We all had a chuckle, and that was great, but we’re not here to have fun. We’re here to work.”
The mistake was spotted early in the morning, shortly after the scientists’ coffee break had ended. Yves Remort, a researcher who has been working on the project since day 1, said “I was merely doing some routine maintenance work when I noticed that someone had written the ‘Hard-on Collider’. Well, I was in tears, I tell you.”
“I called a couple of my colleagues over and they had a look – they were in stitches. Funniest thing we’ve seen in ages. Well, I had no idea that a simple spelling mistake could result in two hours’ downtime!”
Within minutes, the entire CERN institute had downed tools and descended into fits of uncontrollable laughter. Two scientists fell of their chairs, resulting in minor injuries, while one had to leave the institute altogether, returning four hours later unsure of what was so amusing in the first place.
Jean Aimarre continued: “We like to keep things light here at CERN. Searching for the ‘God’ particle might sound like an interesting career path, but in truth, it’s hard work. So every Monday, we start off our day with a ‘how was your weekend’ meeting, and someone once sent round an e-mail that was quite titillating. So yes, we do know how to have fun.”
“Yesterday’s fun, however, got out of hand. I’ve already suspended three researchers who found it so funny, they even built upon the joke, saying they needed a ’stiff’ drink, and asking people if they had got a ‘rise’ recently.”
The cost of the spelling mistake has been estimated at £100m, as scientists downed tools and stopped work while they recovered from their bout of laughter. CERN Head of Research Jean Aimarre told reporters that “while it was amusing at the time, we have to acknowledge that fifty people stopping work for two hours has set us back, well, two hours, in our quest to find the Higgs Boson particle.”
“This is unacceptable. We all had a chuckle, and that was great, but we’re not here to have fun. We’re here to work.”
The mistake was spotted early in the morning, shortly after the scientists’ coffee break had ended. Yves Remort, a researcher who has been working on the project since day 1, said “I was merely doing some routine maintenance work when I noticed that someone had written the ‘Hard-on Collider’. Well, I was in tears, I tell you.”
“I called a couple of my colleagues over and they had a look – they were in stitches. Funniest thing we’ve seen in ages. Well, I had no idea that a simple spelling mistake could result in two hours’ downtime!”
Within minutes, the entire CERN institute had downed tools and descended into fits of uncontrollable laughter. Two scientists fell of their chairs, resulting in minor injuries, while one had to leave the institute altogether, returning four hours later unsure of what was so amusing in the first place.
Jean Aimarre continued: “We like to keep things light here at CERN. Searching for the ‘God’ particle might sound like an interesting career path, but in truth, it’s hard work. So every Monday, we start off our day with a ‘how was your weekend’ meeting, and someone once sent round an e-mail that was quite titillating. So yes, we do know how to have fun.”
“Yesterday’s fun, however, got out of hand. I’ve already suspended three researchers who found it so funny, they even built upon the joke, saying they needed a ’stiff’ drink, and asking people if they had got a ‘rise’ recently.”
