Statement attached, any offers?

I've attached a very special statement. More will be furnished if you would have a role for me.

Thanks,

you are indeed very special,you are the chosen one>how much do I have to pay for your methods>we all want some of this
 
@Wackypete, for you, its free. It's 'used' toilet paper and will fit your mouth right.
@flasheart, How about giving that Title ' Lord' to me?
 
@pcindia: why are you posting this on here? Shouldn't you be getting out more, spending some of your riches?
 
I offer to service your wife and /or any daughters of legally consenting age with my mammoth endowment.

You may watch for a fee.
 
A friend of mine has a skin complaint and has been advised to lie down in a dark room and eat peanuts for 3 months. This seems a bit draconian - if he rubbed himself up and down with your statements would that help ?
 
Another friend of mine has a dog with a rubber leg (they tried plastic but he just chewed it all the time and they didn't want him to spend the rest of his life with one of those plastic light shade thingys on his head as he likes to lick his,...well let's just say he likes to wash himself. The rubber leg is fine for most of the time except hot summer days - they can't take him for a walk as it melts and sticks to the pavement. I suggested putting vinegar on the rubber and this works fine in stopping him chewing it but every time their budgie sniffs vinegar it thinks it is fish and chips which it is partial too and starts singing a repeating chorus of World in Motion whilst relieving itself. (why World In Motion I do not know but he also chirps a lot when Gerald Sinstadt is on the telly !) Anyway they can put up with the singing but my question is this - how absorbent are your statements ? - do you think if they laid them in the bottom of the cage and the dog comes near they would do the trick ? Hope you can help.
 
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