my journal 2

This is a discussion on my journal 2 within the Trading Journals forums, part of the Reception category; Today I've done a lot of research on the Italian mafia in the US. Watched movies and documentaries on it. ...

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Old Mar 7, 2010, 8:58pm   #449
 
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self-control today

travis started this thread Today I've done a lot of research on the Italian mafia in the US. Watched movies and documentaries on it. But I didn't do it too frantically. No compulsion or addiction there, not that much at least. Pretty good level of self-control, above 95%. Tomorow the usual big test, due to being able to trade, so that is a big temptation. It's easy to not give in to temptations when they're not there. Of course, every weekend my self-control score is better than during the weekdays, since I couldn't do any compulsive trading even if I wanted to.

snap1.jpg

The most amazing things I have to record are that, ever since i started monitoring my self-control, about a week ago, I've been able to go to sleep on time (even on week-ends), wake up on time, go back to sleep in case I woke up early, and even refrain from scratching my head. This is amazing. I hadn't be able to do all this together since my last vacation at the sea (where I swim and it's hard to scratch my head while i swim or after doing so much sport).

Even though I haven't seen any improvement on my trading that are due to this self-control monitoring, I think they might come soon, because I am seeing some very powerful changes in these other areas. It's interesting, because I don't feel like I am determined to do anything more than I was determined to do a month ago, and yet changes are happening. But this happens even when I get mad (rarely): you only realize later how mad you were. So maybe I will only realize later how determined to change I was.

Last edited by travis; Mar 7, 2010 at 9:05pm.
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Old Mar 7, 2010, 9:31pm   #450
 
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the best comedy show ever...

travis started this thread This one show is really hilarious:


Especially the last part of the video, where a lady who keeps on getting her apartment burglarized writes to victoria for help.
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Old Mar 8, 2010, 11:10am   #451
 
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how to spot a good trade

travis started this thread Once you know enough about trading, you basically have to wait for the trade to beg you. Don't go looking for trades to make. That is, ONLY if you know how to judge a good trade from a bad trade.
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Old Mar 8, 2010, 7:20pm   #452
 
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self-control monitoring

travis started this thread snap1.jpg

Pretty satisfied as long as I avoid doing some of the things on my list. And that's what's happening ever since i started monitoring my self-control. It's as if you were able to defeat your enemies simply by monitoring them. This is all getting closer and closer to "automated living".
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Old Mar 9, 2010, 7:30am   #453
 
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self-control monitoring

travis started this thread This is really how yesterday ended:

snap1.jpg

It was a disaster and I got down to 60% of self-control. First my friend came and I let her keep me up until late (midnight). Then my dad came, and I let him keep me in a long boring conversation: his usual lecture on random subjects.

Anything you give him, even your own expertise subject, he ends up giving you a long lecture on it, as if you didn't know anything about it and asked to be enlightened. He was indeed a professor. It's really heavy to have a father who doesn't care what you have to say, but is constantly busy teaching you and lecturing on every possible subject. Let's say I tell him that taxi driver is my favorite movie: does he ask me about it? Nope, he'll lecture me about it. He'll tell me what he knows about de niro and about scorsese.

There's one variation: when he really doesn't know about a topic, like for example your job, he will interrogate you about the technical details, like a general on a battlefield. He won't say "so, how's your job?" and let you express yourself freely. He'll ask quick short questions such as: what place, how many people, what hours, details on the people, details on everything. If you want to say anything outside that, he'll give you silence, as if he's not interested. I consider subjecting myself to these lectures/interrogations as a lack of will power and self-control. I could and should say "now it's time to go to bed". I guess debriefings are natural when you're dealing with a professor who on top of that has a military background. Lectures/interrogations are all I ever got from my dad. There didn't seem to ever be any caring, support, affection.

Trading-wise, it was ok, because I felt that I couldn't make any good trades while my friend was coming and when she was there, so I didn't make any.
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Old Mar 9, 2010, 6:42pm   #454
 
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opting for full automation and asking for a loan

travis started this thread I am sick and tired of not being able to control myself and keep myself from gambling. I can't seem to be able to do it, no matter how hard I try. I either do no trading at all, and then I can stay months without touching my systems, or if I try to only make the good trades, pretty soon I relapse into full gambling mode.

Today for example, my stop got hit by one tick. I was so mad that I started revenge trading and lost another 800 dollars.

I will make a loan and only do automated trading. I run a big risk: incurring a drawdown from the start and losing the whole loan. Then I'd have to work for a year and do no trading, just to repay the loan.

On the other hand, like this, I am slowly bleeding to death. Each month I am losing 2000 dollars, and this has been happening for the past 8 months. In the past 8 months I've lost over 20k, merely due to discretionary trading.

I can't do it. I am quitting. I can't even control myself in the chart game. The impatience and drive to trade more in order to make more money is too strong to be able to control it.

Tomorrow I will ask for a 10k loan from the bank I am working at, so I can stop this torture of discretionary trading. I am done. I just can't do it. After over 12 years of trying, I am giving up again: hopefully for the last time. Hopefully I will never try again.

Last edited by travis; Mar 9, 2010 at 7:34pm.
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Old Mar 9, 2010, 6:55pm   #455
Joined Feb 2010
Re: opting for full automation and asking for a loan

Quote:
Originally Posted by travis View Post
I am sick and tired of not being able to control myself and keep myself from gambling. I can't seem to be able to do it, no matter how hard I try. I either do no trading at all, and then I can stay months without touching my systems, or if I try to only make the good trades, pretty soon I relapse into full gambling mode.

Today for example, my stop got hit by one tick. I was so mad that I started revenge trading and lost another 800 dollars.

I will make a loan and only do automated trading. I run a big risk: incurring a drawdown from the start and losing the whole loan. Then I'd have to work for a year and do no trading, just to repay the loan.

On the other hand, like this, I am slowly bleeding to death. Each month I am losing 2000 dollars, and this has been happening for the past 8 months. In the past 8 months I've lost over 20k, merely due to discretionary trading.

I can't do it. I am quitting. I can't even control myself in the chart game. The impatience and drive to trade more in order to make more money is too strong to be able to control it.

Tomorrow I will ask for a 10k loan from the work I am working at, so I can stop this torture of discretionary trading. I am done. I just can't do it. After over 12 years of trying, I am giving up again: hopefully for the last time. Hopefully I will never try again.
ain't nothing worng with going fully automated
go for it
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