my journal 3

This might be good:
Watch Too Big to Fail online - on 1Channel | LetMeWatchThis

Ok, this was harder today, because I had to watch quite a few videos (from the website itself) explaining me some geometry.

They added one new exercise, but I've done 4 exercises, so now I only have 32 exercises to go. And my conquering of math continues. 87% of work done.



Nice exercise software here:
Congruency postulates | Khan Academy

Done for the day.


I am going to watch one of these gems:
Rob Schneider's Movies - LetMeWatchThis | 1Channel - Watch Movies Online Free - Newly Released

Watch Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo online
Watch Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo online

Regarding my plan to start again:

I've calculated that at this rate I'll be saving 250 euros per month. Instead of calling the taxi from home, I walk to the square where they are parked. That saves me about 2 euros per day. Then, when I get back, instead of getting off at my apartment, I get off a bit earlier and avoid a lot of traffic that way, and i save 3 euros each time. This means a total of 5 euros per day, which is 100 euros per month.

Then, instead of going to the barber shop, I resumed my old habit of giving myself haircuts. That saves me, all things considered, about 30 euros per month.

So far it's 130 euros saved per month. Then, after getting rid of all other useless expenses, the latest was the restaurants paid to other people besides myself... I basically calculated that I will have 250 extra euros every month.

I am even saving on what I spend on the vending machines. Restraining yourself is a limited resource as I wrote on the previous journal. You can't deny yourself everything, but if you get used to it, little by little, it gets easier to do, and you can add more efforts. Anyway, this is only necessary until I will have gathered enough to get started again.

Saving is not only good in that it allows me to gather capital. It is also good because it teaches me the value of money. This is the first time that I save. Until now I never felt I could run out of money, so I never worried about it. I even took out loans without realizing that I had run out of money. This time, instead of taking out a new loan, which I could easily do, I've said to myself: hey, let's not do things we can't afford to do. Let's not spend money we can't afford to spend. In other words, like Italy is doing now, I've said "money has to come from saving rather than from bigger debts". So I started counting the cents.

Given the extra salary of December, and the fact that I can go in the red, I will have enough to get started again... in January. I might wait longer, and choose a timing when the exchange eur/usd is in my favor.

Furthermore, if I wait a bit longer, I might receive an offer from the last survivor of the five potential investors: all enthusiastic until september, when it wasn't possible, but then none was interested any more when it suddenly became possible (given that the previous investors dropped me).

These guys are not focused at all, but they might give me some peanuts, such as 3000 euros. Then I'll put my 1500, and we could easily get started with 4 systems (cfr. previous post on those 4 systems).

Yeah. I've been thinking, about saving. You could be making 3000 per month, and getting into debt, and you could be making 1500 per month, and having extra money. It all depends on how you handle money. If you handle it as if you could never run out of it, you're going to run out of it. And viceversa.

There's always two approaches: the guy who refuses to look at his bank account balance, and that's been me until now, and the guy who monitors it carefully, and that's me since a month ago. It's a fascinating topic, and you could divide all humans into these two categories.

I think the first ingredient of money management should be that you do not want to run out of money. And in many cases, like in mine, people are lacking the sense that money is precious and limited. First of all, because they never ran out of it before, second of all because they have a feeling that someone will be there to take care of their problems if they do... this mechanism keeps us from really keeping track of our finances. Only if you have to really pay for your money management mistakes, do you realize what money means. Like right now I am not sleeping under a bridge, but I am certainly unable to quit my job, and this because of lack of capital, which is completely my fault. I wasted thousands in the past few years, actually ever since I've had a job, in 1997. Actually ever since I was given an allowance by my parents. I've never been stingy, as everyone should be. One should never spend everything he has, which is what I've been doing until now. I've always spent everything I had. Didn't have money? I even stopped eating. Had money? I treated people to the restaurant. You have instead to be prepared for when you won't have money by saving when you have it.

Now that I am clearly at an office where I don't want to be, I am regretting all the money I wasted. And the compulsive gambling came directly from that same feeling of not running out of money.

In other words, saving money by walking to the cab station rather than calling it from home, is going to have beneficial effects not just on my saving capability in general (I certainly won't treat people to the restaurant if i walked to the cab to save 2 euros) but also on my money management for trading, and the general capability of managing all my resources, including time and even health.

But the truth is that it's not the act of walking to the cab that enables all these positive consequences. They are both the consequence of my determination to save, which is so strong that it will involve all my choices.

It all began when I realized that I cannot find any additional sources of income. I can't really teach... I could do it but I don't want to. I can't sell. I can't ask for a raise. I can't pretty much do anything to increase my income. So I then realized that the only thing I can do right now is save and build up capital, and in the meanwhile study math. And that's what I'm doing.

It was really fun when this friend of mine, who caused me 3000 dollars of expenses at the restaurant during the last 3 years, has asked me a week ago to go to the restaurant, and i refused because i am saving, and she reacted by insulting me and trying to make me feel cheap. I really laughed with satisfaction: if i have to lose a friend because, after 3 years, I stop treating her to dinner, I am very satisfied to lose such a friend. And I hope it will happen more frequently that I will lose friends because i stop treating them to dinner. It was my biggest achievement of this week, losing such "friend".

Probably done for the day. I've done a bunch of review exercises (compulsory) and one new exercise:



I only have 31 exercises to go. 88% of work done.

Now I am stuck here, but I'll do it tomorrow probably:
http://www.khanacademy.org/exercise/equation_of_a_circle_1

Eyes getting worse and worse. What really hurt them was the first six months of this year, with all the work I was asked. But if I needed to get money from investors, and to give my work away, it is only my fault for not managing my capital better in the past. And if I am still at the office, it is also my fault, for the same reason. So there's really no one to blame right now. But one thing I can tell you for sure: no bitch or male friend better expect me to treat her to dinner ever again. I am not letting it happen. I hope this experience will stay with me and that I won't waste money if it ever becomes abundant again. I am now very much against the principle of "treating" other people to dinner. It really totally sucks. From now on I am not even going to offer a glass of water to anyone, nor let them inside the house. **** the concept of "treating".

Damn. I have to admit it's really getting to me. The other day I said I wouldn't care about the ratings but now there's an ongoing war between me and the mastermind of evil. Every day I come online and see that someone has given me a few more one-stars. Obviously this is not just the consequence of regular readers, but someone doing this on purpose. I know the stats of this from my previous journals.

So, it was ok as long as I had just all one-stars and a perfect score of 1. Then some good guy (or maybe it was the evil guy again) rated me a few five-stars, and so I got into this sick mania of wanting a good score again. That's when I rated myself five-stars, not just with my main user id, but also with my other nicks, of which two have now been banned.

But then the evil asshole kept on rating me down, so I've been registering again and again, trying to give myself a higher rating. But this maniac is more of a maniac than I am, so he keeps on dropping by, probably with new nicks (or he has a lot of hyenas-friends), and lowering my rating.

So I don't know what I'll do. Also because t2w got smarter and now I don't know if it's by ip or by computer id, but they basically ban you from the start. You don't even have the time to log in the first time and you're already banned.

I'll probably stop caring or if I still care and cannot manage to achieve a higher rating, I might get discouraged altogether and stop posting, and this asshole will be happy because he won in the end and made me stop posting here.

I wish this guy just died, whoever it is. Even if it's a child.

That combination we had was not just off in terms of forecasted drawdown, but it wasn't that good, given that even if the investors hadn't quit at the end of september, we would not have made any money in the ensuing 2 and a half months.

All right, I was so depressed about the ratings problem, that I had to do some more math.



Now I only have 29 exercises left. 89% of work done.

Yeah, it's crazy that I am caring about the ratings, given that i say I don't give a **** about anyone, but the truth is that I do. It really bothers me that there's some asshole who dares to mess with my ratings.

Obviously I am in bad shape, as I keep saying, too. If I were in a good shape I wouldn't even be writing the journal, or maybe i'd be writing different things and more rarely. And probably then i would not care about the ratings, and maybe the asshole wouldn't even dare to mess with me, because some people only mess with you when they see you on your knees, and if they see you strong, they don't dare to mess with you. Personally, I hope I do the opposite, but maybe I am like all humans, except when I am alert and I think clearly.

Anyway, I am in a bad mood, and this asshole is making it worse by messing with my ratings. Notwithstanding all this, I'll keep doing my math, and writing my journal. Waiting and hoping for a better time to approach.

You see, if I didn't write my journal and talked to myself here, I probably would feel lonely, and then I'd call that bitch who recently insulted me because I refused to take her out to dinner (as I've been doing for 3 years). I'm better off writing this journal, and getting these ratings by this asshole, than treating that bitch to dinner.

In a way, on top of my two other readers, the asshole persecuting with these low ratings, on a daily basis, is making me feel like someone cares about my journal. Yes, he wants to kill it, but he does care about it. Which reminds me of the ending of the catcher in the rye: "don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody". Or something like that. This asshole has now become part of the journal, and he keeps me company, and that way I save on treating bitches to dinner.

Tonight I'll have to watch another movie with Rob Schneider:
Rob Schneider's Movies - LetMeWatchThis | 1Channel - Watch Movies Online Free - Newly Released

It's like a medicine.