my journal 3

This is a discussion on my journal 3 within the Trading Journals forums, part of the Reception category; wow, one dude from hollywood that didn't sell out...

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Old Oct 3, 2012, 7:43pm   #1846
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread wow, one dude from hollywood that didn't sell out

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Old Oct 3, 2012, 8:44pm   #1847
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread was faltering for a moment and almost placed a discretionary trade but resisted at the last minute

felt like going long on CL, which has lost over 4% and is very very low: remember soon there will be a spike in prices as peak oil unfolds

want a quick way to avoid discretionary trading / compulsive gambling? Simply do not be at home. It works for me. Being at the movies works for me. Anything else doesn't work, just like i can't keep from eating a cake if I find it in the refrigerator.

If instead i try to practice sheer will power while standing in front of the TWS chart, then forget it. I just end up trading and blowing out my account, time after time.

Once again, today the NG trade went well, but it lost two thirds of potential profit. I need to make my mind up on whether i should tamper (not talking about compulsive gambling and the placing of discretionary trades) with the systems trades or should just be happy with what happens.

Tampering produces extra profit if i have the right state of mind and therefore plenty of capital, which gives me peace of mind.

Tampering goes wrong very quickly when i am feeling the urge to increase capital because i feel it's not enough. That tampering quickly turns into full-fledged discretionary trading, and those extra trades blow out my account.

Another thing is to close trades early. That's acceptable tampering, but with my psychology, usually, it is not manageable and it gets out of control and turns into the bad type of tampering.

So, right now, the best thing to do is to go to the movies. All day long.
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Old Oct 3, 2012, 8:56pm   #1848
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread

yep... another hollywood star who doesn't want to take risks with talking about the ongoing nazism in the US

the thing is alex should have asked christopher walken "are you a listener of my show?". Clearly he is, because he decided to appear on the video chat, he told alex to call him "chris" and not "mr walken"... so he simply didn't want to talk about the political issues, but he probably would have admitted to being a listener.
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Old Oct 4, 2012, 11:23am   #1849
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread Back at work. Roommate bothering me as usual, but yesterday and today i managed to not eat any of his fruits. I can't see why we can't get along without getting too familiar or close.

If he needs help, i always help him. But I am not interested in having his hand on my shoulder, eating his fruits, going on a coffee break with him, wasting time in idle chat with him. **** this guy. I am tired of these southern italians who don't know any good manners and can't keep their verbal and physical distances.

Now he left to waste his time in someone else's room.

Today, more movies await me. Will leave in less than 3 hours.
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Old Oct 4, 2012, 3:42pm   #1850
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread Yeah, ok, I came home.

I double-checked on my trades and sure enough one of the trades hadn't gone through for lack of margin. The ZN got closed so as of now i have no discretionary trades open. The margin I got with the intraday half-margin rule allowed me to close the NG_ID_02 short trade early and open one of the two NG long trades that the systems were demanding. Yep, according to them today is a LONG day on NG.

The battlefield looks pretty good so far:

snap1.jpg

capital is now at 11k and i can breathe again.

Ok, now before i do anything compulsive, I'll get dressed and go to a movie.



550 calories so far for the day

ok, going
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Old Oct 4, 2012, 6:29pm   #1851
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread Ok, back.

The movie sucked really bad.

I waited an hour for it to start, ate a lot of pistachios, gotta write it down on my dietary excel worksheet, then talked to two ladies who were there, and i mentioned how i chose the movie based on the number of empty seats... and then the movie sucked bad. I left after just 15 minutes into it, whereas i wanted to leave after just 5 minutes by how bad it was: the acting and the script. It was as bad as stargate when i left the movie theater after 10 minutes despite being with other friends, in paris, same year as pulp fiction.



So I came back, bought some cucumbers and other fruits on the way home, and now I am going to check the battlefield...

snap2.jpg

oh, wow: the battlefield looks excellent!

I am 1000 dollars richer or so. Now capital is close to 12k again. It was really worth it to go to a movie.



Damn. This song is exactly showing me the path to success: "dream until your dreams come true". I go to the movies, daydream, and in the meanwhile the systems keep working undisturbed, producing profit and making my dreams come true.

The dreams will come true by themselves, without any efforts on my part: all i need to do is to keep on dreaming, as the song says.
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Old Oct 4, 2012, 6:57pm   #1852
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread Ok, back again. I'm quite restless now. But i couldn't stay there and finish that crappy movie:
Un giorno speciale (2012)

It sucks even according to imdb. Not a surprise.

I wish i could get a woman, but very quickly and for a limited period of time without any side effects, but not for now. I can't handle such matters right now. Each time it happened it made me blow out my account.

I could get a woman easily all things considered, because i've got my freeloading friend who introduces me like the genius millionaire trader - i promptly deny all this, but at any rate he did introduce me to a lot of women and some are even interested in things other than free dinners - or at least were until recently. But I can't afford one of these women, for financial reasons but even more for emotional reasons, not my emotions but their emotions. I don't want to play with their emotions. I don't... this is not like college where you have sex and disappear. They're going to want to marry me, they're going to talk about me to their mothers. Each time i started something with these women that my friend introduces to me, it ended up with women who either harassed me on the phone or pretended they didn't see me when i ran into them in the street.

Right now I feel ready to marry a distant cousin that i knew back in 2008. We had some feelings for each other. I feel safe with relatives. I can only marry a relative.
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Old Oct 4, 2012, 7:32pm   #1853
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread been eating my raw vegan things, especially been chewing - it turned out the pistachios i ate at the movie theater gave me almost half of the 900 calories i have eaten today so far

what strikes me in this field of vegetables is how stupid people are here, too: my aunt said there's no way she'll eat the skin of potatoes - it's good for you, i told her - she says hell no, there's too much chemicals on that skin.

Sure, it makes sense - it looks so dirty. Right?

How about strawberries? Cherries?

Nope, doesn't apply to those, because they're so cute, so we all eat the raw skin of grapes, strawberries and cherries, because it looks cute. But it's not safe to eat the boiled skin of potatoes, because it is so ugly that it must be poisonous.

regarding pistachios, it's amazing how much copper they have in them. Daily copper intake satisfied at the movie theater.

But sesame seeds do even more, yet they're more boring to eat. I ate two spoons already. Right, i have 240% of copper recommended daily intake. I can conduct electricity.



So. My aunt will go on eating those raw skins and will avoid the boiled skins of other vegatables. She will go on drinking plenty of milk, and sugar, because they're so white that they cannot be harmful. She will feel safe. Just like you feel safe watching CNN, or Italian RAI news. It's so polished that it cannot be bad and it cannot be a lie.
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Old Oct 4, 2012, 7:53pm   #1854
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread
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Old Oct 4, 2012, 7:58pm   #1855
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread even the last unprofitable ongoing trade turned profitable!

snap1.jpg




You know what this means? It means pretty soon i'll be able to stop working. It's making in one day what i make in a month at the office. Soon I'll be "living it up at the hotel california". First thing I need to buy and can afford to buy is some real marijuana. I can finally do drugs. Sex will have to wait a while longer.
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Old Oct 4, 2012, 8:58pm   #1856
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread

Ken O'Keefe is my hero and so is Serpico and Michael Ruppert. They all have their wikipedia entries, as they've dedicated themselves to noble causes (for real, not like al gore) and achieved notoriety as heroes basically. They've done more than anyone else except missionaries.

However, once achieved this notoriety, they're going to have a big problem if their faith in their mission and cause falters. And it would be perfectly ok, since they've done more than enough. Yet, in case this happens, they're kind of screwed. I mean, if they decide one day that they want to have a normal life and want to revert to having a regular job in society, then they're screwed. They can go from employees to heroes, but it's harder to go from heroes to employees. It's almost easier to make money without risking your life for others, especially because after choosing this kind of life, it's going to be hard to live to expectations. Their notoriety is based on the fact that they've sacrificed their lives for a cause and wanted nothing in return, so it's going to be hard to get rewarded financially for this, whether still believing in the cause or wanting to retire from the struggle. They can't say "hey, i've been a hero for twenty years, now please give me a pension or some money for what i've done, because i want to lead a regular life". If they do, they suddenly lose all their credit and credibility. Their credit is such that it cannot be used financially, because it's based on the fact that they've shown they don't care about money, nor about risking their life.

Regarding this, recently Ruppert seemed to be frustrated about this life he has chosen and made a video about it, which he later removed (Michael C. Ruppert: Say My ****ing Name). It seemed as though he wanted, really bad, some credit (financial credit) for all the good things he has done for humanity until now (for example he risked his life for refusing, as a cop, to deal drugs for the CIA). Very uncomfortable situation to be famous as a hero, because you can never revert to being normal, without losing your credibility. Similar to a priest who doesn't want to be a priest anymore. He's going to be considered like a sinner and close to being a criminal.

I am sure that others, too, including alex jones and others in the alternative media, might have lost the energy at times to keep fighting for the original cause, which is basically risking your life to expose the truth about what the US government is doing. I've never risked anything and i am already getting tired of talking to people about chemtrails. O'Keefe instead travels to Gaza and risks his life constantly to help this palestinian family. I wouldn't be surprised if he got tired one day.
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Old Oct 4, 2012, 9:53pm   #1857
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread damn...

i just found out and i was horrified: the CL_ID_05 sent a trade at 8 US CT and it was missed and it was missed profit of 1500 dollars. So today i would have made 3000, but i am not saying it to be cocky, but to blame my margin for being so low. Had I been out of a couple of trades... damn. Had I had 13k instead of just 11k, I would not have missed this trade. I suck bad!

I can't stand to have missed this trade!

Revenge trading is a risk again, because i feel that i have been robbed of 1500 dollars, and i feel: how do i make back the 1500 dollars that i was supposed to make today?

Damn damn damn.

Lots of movies tomorrow or i know myself and know that i will place a trade to get this money back.

Tomorrow I can't even come home, because i'll trade for sure. I am already scratching my head because of this CL profit i missed.
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Old Oct 4, 2012, 10:22pm   #1858
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread snap2.jpg

This is a picture of the tests on my blender with the systems i am presently trading and their trades blended to simulate some randomness: to make sure i didn't get lucky with my backtesting, i blended them several times and used a typical sample.

According to probability theory the fact of having missed a profit of 1500 dollars doesn't decrease my likelihood of making money in the future. Yeah, I missed that profit, but it's not like all that's ahead of me is drawdown. The drawdown, statistically and probabilistically speaking, is just as likely as before I missed that trade. I can hardly believe it but that's what probability says.

So I should not panic like I am.

Furthermore, my table above says that if i keep going like this, the chance of losing enough to blow out my account and be unable to trade is 10%.

By simply running my systems and going to the movies every day, I have a 90% chance of going all the way to 20k at which point the probability of blowing out is infintesimal.

Since these systems make about 5k per month, in just two months I should be able to spend the extra money made, not all of it of course.

This means that if global collapse doesn't happen, and if I do not run immediately into that 10% of probability of blowing out my account (it will decrease as capital will increase), I have officially solved all my financial worries.

This is how things are and how do i feel about this miracle? I had just 2k in the account a little over a month ago. How do i react to this miracle?

Amazing, to my amazement i react the same way each time: i feel it's too little and two months to wait is too long. Then, by rushing things, I will blow it out and in two months, I will wish I had waited that time.

Waiting behind me is easy, but waiting ahead of me is always boring, unbearably boring.

To me money is never made fast enough.

Waiting two months to solve all my financial worries seems too long. I want it to happen tomorrow.

****.

This means only one thing: i need to stay away from my laptop.

What kind of activity can i invent to spend two months without worrying?

Drugs. Too hard to buy. I'll make a phone call and get arrested the next day probably.

Forget drugs.

Alcohol. This could be good. For just two months it can't be that bad.

How about this. Drink a beer and go to the movies.

Both at once.

Basically come home, get changed, and go around, drinking and watching movies.

Yeah, i could do this for two months. Never staying home for two months.

Let's see how many movies there are around here.

...

Ok, beer's everywhere. That's not going to be a problem buying it.

There's two movie theaters around here: one with 5 theaters and one with 10. Considering i cannot trade on weekends, and i will be travelling, too, pretty soon.... i only have to worry about watching 20 movies per month.

20 movies and 20 beers per month. This means I'll end up watching crappy movies, but i might be able to never watch the same movie twice.

The cost is low. It's about 10 euros per day. I can afford to spend 200 euros per month on this, especially considering the profit it will bring me, by letting the systems trade.

Ok.

Come home, get changed. Get out, ged drunk. Go to the movies, come back and buy vegetables on the way home. Every day, five days a week. Then at the end of october i might be able to take a trip to the island every weekend.

So, all in all, i just have to spend three more weeks like this, and I am done.
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Old Oct 5, 2012, 7:37am   #1859
 
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Re: my journal 3

Yamato started this thread About to go to work. Drying out from the shower.

Still thinking about yesterday's missed profit of 1500, which was due to a lack of margin, which could have been avoided had i not had that ZN position open. One more reason to avoid tampering.

Let's hope the drawdown won't hit me all at once.

Today I have to finish a complicated work on excel for this girl and I really hope my roommate will come late as usual, because otherwise he won't let me focus enough to complete the task.

I am planning to go to a movie even before coming home. Today there's a heightened alert regarding the risk of compulsive gambling and revenge trading.

Talk to you in 9 hours, after work and after the movie.
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Old Oct 5, 2012, 2:00pm   #1860
 
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gods of the markets...

Yamato started this thread Gods of the markets... I beg you to not make the NQ go back down because my position is about to be closed, in a few minutes. Make it go up a little more if possible. Remember what you've done to me just two days ago on my NG trade, which lost all profit in the last 2 hours. Don't do this to me. I don't deserve your punishment.

esigchartspon.png

Ok, leaving work now and going straight to a movie. Will be back in a few hours to recount my daily battlefield.
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